tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327483112024-03-12T22:35:05.154-04:00A Fresh StartMy ramblings of how I refuse to accept the shit life hands me.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-2744397699893465122016-05-12T02:04:00.001-04:002016-05-12T02:05:41.767-04:00Let's see where this goes!So I recently turned 31 (that number makes me sound really old, but my body doesn't feel that way) and I just started a new martial arts endeavor in that I will be starting up The Kokoro-Jitsu Club (check it out at <a href="http://www.kokorojitsu.com/">www.kokorojitsu.com</a>) in Fort Myers, FL. on Monday!<br />
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I'm putting everything I have into this... I hope it all works out.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-6240104902158161312015-01-14T23:02:00.000-05:002015-01-14T23:02:11.335-05:00That long ago, huh? Damn.I can't believe I haven't used this blog in YEARS. Crazy what time does. Every time I come back here though, so many memories flood in; a lot of which I wish wouldn't. I'm so fucked up... I'm actually STILL hung up on Naya; god I fucked that up... Worst mistake of my life. I comfort myself by saying she's much happier now and that we're not similar people, and we have grown differently, but here I am, all these years later still talking about it. What the hell is wrong with me? I wish I could just let it go. Bah.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with my current situation or relationships, I just can't let go for some reason.<br />
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I feel like this blog is the "dark side" of the internet for me, haha. I seem to type so much stupid shit here, but it's a recessed part of the internet and it's good to vent, then to look back on this someday and again say "What the fuck, dude?".Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-194392190811335582010-08-17T22:20:00.000-04:002010-08-17T22:20:36.667-04:00CallousSo today I decided to start running and walking around barefoot. I'm trying to develop calluses on my feet for karate. Hopefully soon I can find a really nice, big, smooth stone to start doing the same for my hands.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-18212383437868648062010-08-15T11:18:00.000-04:002010-08-15T11:18:36.166-04:00Something I want to remember.A.A.A.A.<br />
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Aware (know what's going on around you [Do they have weapons? How many are there? What are their intentions? What do you really know of the situation?]). <br />
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Avoid (If you can avoid the situation, then use your brain and GTFO).<br />
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Act (With no other option, take action. Be quick and precise and use only what's necessary to stop the attack). <br />
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Away (Again... GTFO! After you've removed yourself from the situation, immediately go report it to the authorities and say you don't know if you want to press charges yet [you tend not to think clearly hyped on adrenaline]).Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-49349230330813498262010-06-06T13:53:00.000-04:002010-06-06T13:53:23.390-04:00Almost there.Sterling and I hung out again last night and it was totally kick-ass! We did co-op Army of Two: The 40th Day and we cranked the volume and communicated a lot like "I'm gonna flank right. I have three contacts in my sights. I'm going to run in to the tower and snipe the one on the upper deck. I need you to provide covering fire as I run in. You ready? Okay. Go go go!" Man it was killer fun. <br />
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We also talked a lot more about life and the things that are going on in each other's lives and there was definitely some illuminating conversation that went on and it's really good to get someone else's perspective on the things that are happening and it's good to know what's going on in my friend's life as well. I hope that life works out for the best for the both of us. <br />
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Sterling also said that he'd take me to pick up Leon on Tuesday, so that's great that we finally have a game plan and Leon and Sterling can meet. I hope that Sterling likes her and doesn't think she's ugly or stupid or boring or anything. <br />
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I guess time will tell. It's crazy for me to think that if everything goes according to plan, she'll be getting on a bus tomorrow night to come live with me. It's just mind-boggling and I'm so super excited about it all. <br />
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I also hope I can get the support of my friends and family instead of the dirty looks and stupid, ignorant remarks about the life choices I make. I know I've done stupid shit in the past and I've made mistakes just like everyone does but that doesn't mean you should make me feel like a complete idiot and less of a person. I've taken a lot of time to reflect on the choices I've made and what's happened in my life and I've learned from them and I haven't found myself in any kind of cycle, repeating what I've done before, so in that light, I think I'm doing a fantastic job at this whole "life" thing. <br />
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Leon and I will be happy because I know that I'll do absolutely everything in my power to make us work. If things fail, at least I'll have no regrets. But I want to be stubborn and say that things won't fail. I'll bend and give and do everything I have to in order to make her comfortable and happy so that we can be happy together. <br />
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It's so close now... I'm so damn excited!Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-69940304313626415872010-06-05T18:14:00.000-04:002010-06-05T18:14:16.678-04:00So after work today I went to Rite Aid and I bought a package of 3 condoms with spermicidal lubricant (all I could afford) and there was this insanely hot check out girl there and I was trying to be all suave like "yeah, that's right I get mine. I'm a hot commodity and you know you want some of this *wink*". Haha. She was super sweet and she smiled at me and giggled softly. It was adorable and I'm glad I went with the confidence approach instead of acting embarrassed that I was purchasing condoms. Just struck me as noteworthy. I'd totally bang that chick. Omg.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-11313727800244792642010-06-04T15:07:00.000-04:002010-06-04T15:07:08.338-04:00So I Western Unioned Leon $150.00 today and she should be able to pick it up tomorrow and hopefully everything will go well with getting the necessary bus ticket and then I won't have to worry as much anymore. I can't believe it's only a few more days until she gets on the bus to come live here. It's all so crazy and I couldn't be much happier. I love the direction my life is heading in. I sincerely hope that I've learned enough from past relationships and can make this one work to the best of my ability. I care about Leon a lot and I want her to be happy and I want to do everything I can to make sure she is happy and comfortable being here and that she can finally begin to discover herself and become more of an individual and out of the narrow world she's lived in for so long. <br />
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I'll do everything I can to support her and make sure we can have a happy life together. <br />
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Here's for hoping!Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-60474073429862832212010-05-12T15:33:00.000-04:002010-05-12T15:33:11.222-04:00Well, it seems that somehow my blog got caught up in the webz and that it was premiered or something because a bunch of tard bucket pieces of shit started leaving comments.<br />
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I have therefore enabled comment moderation, so hopefully I won't get a bunch of random ones. I tried deleting the ones I found but unfortunately I don't know enough about this site to figure out how to get rid of them completely, etc.<br />
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Of course all of the comments were pretty much on my religious posts. Why are people so fucking stupid? Instead of bombing someone and laughing because you're butthurt and posting a bunch of senseless shit, you try asking questions instead. Stop assuming you know the complete story based on a few paragraphs of text. It's funny how only the religious-minded are the ones dumb enough to not ask questions and instead decide to impose their idiocy on everyone else. <br />
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Great job making yourselves look more retarded than you already are. <br />
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Yes, I hate religion and I hate it openly and passionately and I will continue to compare it to the worst crimes imaginable because it's an enabler to these horrendous crimes if not a direct causation. <br />
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If you're not personally out there molesting and raping and murdering, etc. then you're still allowing it to happen by simply being religious-minded or allowing the practice of religious tolerance. You're an enabler of these tragedies. You're a moderate and a worthless piece of shit. <br />
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So kindly I say to you, the religious world out there: <br />
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Fuck you.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-70592865785549683342009-11-05T23:57:00.001-05:002009-11-05T23:58:51.437-05:00A Different TurnSo I'm currently single and as of today I'm choosing to remain that way for as long as possible. I need to work on me instead of pressuring for a relationship all the time. I need to focus on myself and what I want personally.<br /><br />It's about damn time I realized this :PKamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-79903133349593849932009-10-18T03:38:00.004-04:002009-10-18T03:49:09.901-04:00Please let this be the new beginning I've been begging for.It's an endless cycle with me. I breath in. Loved. I contemplate. Mistrust. I breath out. The end of everything I love and hold dear.<br /><br />I'm incapable of being happy with another human being because I am incapable of expression of self. I can't ever describe who I am or what I think and I rip up the ground that has been built up. <br /><br />I want more than anything to end this vicious cycle of mistrust and idiocy. I want to trust and to stop being so insecure. I need to realize that I AM loved and that someone DOES care about me and I need to trust them and how they feel and just love them back with all I am capable of doing. <br /><br />Please... make it through all this bullshit with me. Be there for me. If we can overcome this crap; we'll be unstoppable.<br /><br />I love you Holly.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-17590519029146915342009-10-10T21:11:00.002-04:002009-10-10T21:23:34.706-04:00Well, let's see...As an update to my "post marker", I have since moved back to Coudersport, Pennsylvania and am currently living with Samantha and Nathan. I have a job now at Empereon Marketing and am about to go to the DirecTV department and making 10/hr. salary plus 8 commission per sale so that's pretty good there for me and I'm definitely excited about that. I currently plan on staying with Sam and Nate and just saving up as much money as is possible in the meantime.<br /><br />Future plans? Yeah, this is where things get shitty and very unclear... I met a wonderful girl named Holly who I love and adore and that's where all the problems also begin. She lives in Havre de Grace, MD with her parents and I'm 5 1/2 hours away from her. All I want is to be able to see her and I'm stuck here all alone; it's depressing. I plan on using my paychecks to be able to visit Holly as much as possible but I don't know how it'll work out in that I don't know if I'll be able to stand just seeing her once or twice a month if that... I just don't think I can do it, meaning that I will probably end up moving back to MD to try to be with her and doing who knows what for a place to live and a job.<br /><br />Things are bleak.<br /><br />The future seems even worse. In about a year Holly has plans on attending a 4 year college, most likely in either Savannah, Georgia or Denver, Colorado. I really hope she goes to Colorado because I plan on following her if we're still together and I REALLY would hate to go back to Georgia... A LOT! <br /><br />I'm then going to have to do it all again. Try to find a place to live and work in yet another completely alien place to me where I have nothing and no one. However if I can stop being so worthless and such a dickhead, it should all turn out really well in that I'll hopefully have my own place and a decent job and live near Holly's college. When she has time away from studying for college and working, she'll be able to spend time with me and that will just be fucking incredible. I can't wait for that. I just hope it all goes well. I truly hate to give up this great job I currently have, but if I want to be with Holly, I have no choice. And in truth, that is all I want; is to be with Holly.<br /><br />Dammit I love her.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-30059916214906963912009-07-26T06:24:00.002-04:002009-07-26T06:29:09.035-04:00Post markerSigh. I wish I updated this more. I just never know what to talk about. I'm currently waiting to start a job at McDonald's and I'm hoping to work towards getting my own place soon.<br /><br />Also, I've been continuing my search for love and happiness. I've met some great people so far and I just hope I can find "the one" that I can share my life with.<br /><br />I really enjoy it here in Maryland and I'd like to stay here and stop moving around so much and finally settle down.<br /><br />I suppose I'll use this post as a marker to see how long it takes me to accomplish these goals. It's not really a question of "if" just "when". I've been in worse ruts than this before and I know I'll pull myself out of it and be even stronger for it.<br /><br />Also I hope to be able to get into a good dojo here soon. I desperately miss martial arts and I'm anxious to get back into it.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-92043791460012887812009-06-25T12:22:00.000-04:002009-06-25T12:23:40.158-04:00ChoicesRecently I had to make a decision I never thought I could actually bring myself to do. I've been talking with this amazing girl who would've been absolutely "perfect" for me in every regard and things were going really well.<br /><br />That is until we got on the subject of religion. She wasn't by any means a religious person, she was much more spiritual and it was much more of a personal connection. The problem though, is that I have a complete and utter intolerance for religion in any form; I want that plague to be completely eradicated from this world. I have absolutely no symathy or respect for people's religious freedom. <br /><br />I compare religion to the worst crime I can imagine; child molestation. Religion is the mental and sometimes physical arrest of freedom. Religious moderation (as some would like to believe) is not some kind of middle stance. It's not okay to be accepting of child molestors in any form. They should be tortured and murdered and get everything they deserve.<br /><br />At first this choice was insanely difficult because I really do like this girl (still do) but I can NOT ever accept the encyclopedic ignorance of all advancements of mankind and the molestation of innocent children just because you're scared of dying.<br /><br />I know I made the right choice and I feel stronger than ever in my convictions. It's also shown me a little more about what I do and do not want in a life partner. I'm learning a lot and I'm happy I was able to do the right thing in the end.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-55072421948496525082009-05-12T14:48:00.000-04:002009-05-12T14:49:47.528-04:00<a href="http://hotornot.com/r/?eid=KMBSKMOU-LDJ" target="_blank"><img src="http://pix2.hotornot.com/s/KMBSKMOU-LDJ.jpg" border="0"></a>Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-49407133316797992522009-04-14T15:01:00.005-04:002009-04-14T21:31:44.096-04:00Goshin Jutsu Karate Blog :)<a href="http://www.goshinjutsukarate.blogspot.com/">www.goshinjutsukarate.blogspot.com</a><br /><br /><br />Go here :DKamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-91369950903638577602008-12-14T20:43:00.002-05:002008-12-14T20:54:40.249-05:00Guess I'm a liar! :-PYeah, I definitely haven't been updating like I said I was going to... SORRY, dammit! :P<br /><br />A lot has happened since my last post. I don't think I'm going to get into details and I'll try to keep this short, so here's a semi list of things that are important that are happening:<br /><br />-I've joined GKS Kenpo Karate and I FUCKIN' LOVE it! It's really great and I'm VERY happy with it!<br /><br />-I've chosen to be just friends with Evienne. I'm looking for what it is I want and what makes me happy in a relationship. I haven't felt that in my life yet, so I'm going to continue to wait until either I do find it or I just give up and settle.<br /><br />-I work at a factory, Marietta Drapery and I cut the width of window blinds with a circular saw and even though that sounds repetitive and boring, it's a lot of fun and I love the job!<br /><br />-I've made some great friends here (mostly through work and karate) and it's been great.<br /><br />-I'm starting to get back on track with money that I owe and stuff and I figure by sometime in January I should be all caught up and I can start a real normal life here, and that's very exciting to me.<br /><br />So yeah, I don't know what else to say right now. I haven't been updating because I'm real busy most of the time and I didn't know what to say because I'm sick of hearing the same questions and comments about the things I'm doing.<br /><br />No one and I mean NO ONE listened to me when I said I was moving here for myself and I'm sick of people feeling sorry for me that things aren't working out with my relationships. I'm perfectly happy and I chose for things to be this way and I don't want to change it. I just want to be happy for myself before I try to have a serious relationship with someone. Right now the best relationship I'm having is the one with myself...<br /><br />If I could, I'd marry and fuck myself all the time! Narcissism is key to me right now. I want to love myself, then share that version of me with someone I think is worthy. So, I'll try to let you know how that works out for me LOL!Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-50458140416832808902008-11-01T14:19:00.001-04:002008-11-01T14:21:18.213-04:00Hope you like to read! :PI am now a resident of Marietta, Georgia! :D<br /><br />I'm utterly and completely drained of words to describe my happiness.<br /><br />I fucking did it! I moved and I didn't falter or fail myself! I'm so fucking proud of me. I am my own hero! <3<br /><br />Everything went SOOO well. I almost am starting to believe this was meant to be! The trip to the airport was fun because I got to travel with Kim and Matt, and they we're a lot of fun to hang out with and I can't thank them enough for helping me! With Kim and Matt's help, I was able to find my way around the airport and they got me all the way up to the security checkpoint where they then had to leave. After security, (which I had no problems with) I went ALLLL the way to the end of the airport to the 2nd to last gate and waited to board the plane.<br /><br />I was so excited and nervous that the hours just seemed to fly right by. I was like a kid; looking around at all the exciting things and big airplanes and cool stuff. It was so fun. Then I got on the airplane with an aisle seat right next to the left wing. The inside of the plane (Delta airlines) was a lot shittier than I had expected. The seats looked awful (they were still comfy though), the aisles were tiny and I just had a grander vision of airplanes in my mind. A perfect description of the inside of the plane was that it was just like the inside of a greyhound bus! I don't know if that's normal, but I thought that was terrible :P<br /><br />Still, the plane ride was a tremendous amount of fun! I LOVED the lift off and the decent parts! <3 <br /><br />I didn't have to sit next to disgusting people either! They were just some quite old couple, so it was nice. I got a free coca-cola (sorry, Sterling :P) to drink and I would not mind flying in a plane again! <br /><br />I arrived at the Atlanta airport and this place was GIGANTIC! I mean epic! I didn't know where I was supposed to go, so I just followed the signs to get to the baggage place. That went fine (it was just a REALLY long walk to get there) then at the end, you could see people waiting for family and the signs overhead said "Baggage South" and "Baggage North". At this point my head just went "SHIT!" :P<br /><br />I decided to try the south baggage because the sign was red and I thought it looked cooler :P<br /><br />There were two huge carousals there and I looked for my bag on the first one and didn't see it. Then I looked on the other one and there it was! YAY! So, I really lucked out there :P<br /><br />I grab my bag off the carousal and then I hear someone behind me and I turn around and DIED!!! <3 <3 <3 My mind and body went to complete shit and I was mesmerized. <3<br /><br />Evienne said she saw my bag because she figured the duffel bag with the big stupid yin-yang on it must've been mine :P<br /><br />I froze when I saw here and I wanted to say "hi" or "hello" or anything, but my mind was useless for those couple of seconds! <3<br /><br />I finally was able to say "Hi, Evienne!" LOL, at least that's what I think I said :P I was so far gone mentally after seeing her, that I don't remember what I said :P<br /><br />The point is, I said SOMETHING :P and then I gave her a nice big hug! <3<br /><br /><3 <3 <3 MY GOD SHE IS MOTHER-FUCKING SOFT AND BEAUTIFUL!! <3 <3 <3<br /><br />I really don't know what to say about her to describe how I felt when I saw her and when I see her now. She is perfection to me. So much more than I even had hoped for. She is PERFECT!! <3<br /><br />Well after that we got in her AWESOME car <3 and she drove me around Atlanta to my house. We first stopped off at Publix so I could get some money from the ATM and do a little shopping for stuff for the house. That was a LOT of fun. I loved walking around with her, I didn't even notice the other people in the store, I was so infatuated with Evienne that I probably looked stupid to the other shoppers, just gaping at her and looking spellbound :P<br /><br />We arrived at the apartment at just about 2:00PM and the landlord wasn't there and the door was locked. So I went to the lessies upstairs and asked for his phone number. They are so super friendly and they called him and let me talk to him on their phone. About 20 minutes later his wife arrived and talked a bit then had me sign the lease and I gave her $260 for rent, which will cover me for 2 weeks here. I should hopefully be getting a little more money soon and I can give that to rent as well.<br /><br />I love my new apartment! <3 It's perfect for me. It's small but it's not dirty or disgusting, it just needs light cleaning and it will be perfect. The rent is $500 a month with ALL utilities included, and for this area, that's phenomenal! Every thing that happens keeps pointing towards telling me that I've finally done something right in my life. I am so damn happy!<br /><br />I got an airbed that's really comfy and nice from Evienne. She also brought me food and a Fuze drink (her favorite). <br /><br />Today, I was expecting to be lonely, bored, and not have enough money to pay the internet and phone bills. I thought this would've been a terrible day. But I got a shower, and got cleaned up. I then went for a walk to look around for potential jobs and maybe some shops I'd be interested in. On my walk Evienne spotted me and pulled over and picked me up! That just made my day and my life! That was the best surprise ever! She said she was coming over to surprise visit me <3<br /><br />She took me back to my place and then opened the car trunk and pulled out a brand new 17" Widescreen monitor!!! :O :O :O<br /><br />She took me completely by surprise with that! She purchased it with her own money to give to me! <3 I swear she's the best thing to ever happen to me! <3<br /><br />We then went inside and got the computer all set up and I gave her my goodest hugs and thanked her <3<br /><br />Then we we're both just standing around not knowing what to do and I finally worked up enough courage to ask her if she wants to cuddle! <3<br /><br />She said "Yes!" <3 <3 <3<br /><br />So that's what we did on the airbed :P It was great and she is SOOO amazingly beautiful. I was terrible :P I was so nervous and school-girl like. I couldn't look her in the eyes without wanting to scream and I just completely melted. I'm not going to go into more details :P but I will say she's a GREAT kisser! <3 <3 <3<br /><br />She then had to leave, so I kissed her goodbye :P<br /><br />Then when I was going to try to call Kim again to get some money, the Charter cable guy's van was outside. I was like "shit! shit! SHIT!" :P I only had $95 on me and the total (service plus connection fees) was $109.99.<br /><br />The cable guy was super nice and said he would just add the remainder of what I owe to my first billing! <br /><br />So, yeah, my day just got a WHOLE lot better than I thought it would've! <3<br /><br />I (obviously) now have internet and phone service! So now you can call me! 1-678-239-4248 <br /><br />I don't know what else to talk about and I'm sure this post has gotten long enough :P<br /><br />Just know that I have found my nirvana. I've found the pinnacle of my happiness and I continue to exceed it every minute I am here.<br /><br />This is my dream.<br /><br />This is perfection!Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-19136252907301397352008-10-30T13:44:00.003-04:002008-10-30T13:55:27.847-04:00Well, I guess this is about it folks. Here I go!I'm very excited about this. I'm also kinda scared and very nervous. I just want things to go well for me for once in my life. <br /><br />I'll be going to work at around 4:00PM today and then after work, I'll be going straight to Kim's house to sleep for a couple hours, then we'll be leaving at 4:00AM Friday morning. She's going to drive me to the Buffalo airport where I'll have to wait until about 10:30ish when my plane departs. I'll be going straight to Atlanta, Georgia where I'll meet Evienne. I'm so nervous about meeting her. I really hope she likes me. I hope we can be happy together.<br /><br />After that, she'll be driving me to the apartment where I'll be living and we'll go from there I guess.<br /><br />I simply can't get over how surreal this all feels to me. It just has to be some kind of dream, how did I do this? How did I get to this point of complete freedom? I feel so empowered and confident in myself. I amaze me!<br /><br />I can now tell my children to follow their dreams, and my life will stand testament that it can be done and that there is no reason you should have to settle for what you've been given. I'm so proud of myself and what I'm doing.<br /><br />Thank you to everyone who's ever helped me in any way. To everyone who's been there for me when I needed help, or supported me when I felt defeated in life; Thank You!Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-81931958193852070272008-10-29T02:38:00.003-04:002008-10-29T03:02:04.207-04:00Keeping the Rhymes Flowin'I have an apartment now. It's not much but it's not ghetto, so I don't need more than that right now. Beggars / Choosers (you know) :P<br /><br />I paid an application fee and a security deposit and I'll just have to pay the rent when I get there. $500 a month with all utilities included in that area is really great! I'll be leaving here Friday morning at about 6:00 AM, my plane departs at 10:35 AM and arrives in Atlanta, Georgia at 12:36 PM. I'm so unbelievable excited! I finally have a life. I finally have a future and something to look forward to!<br /><br />I contacted Charter cable and they said they'd be by Saturday to connect the internet and phone there, so hopefully I won't be disconnected from communicating for too long. I have plans to start looking for a job on Saturday morning, then buying a few things I'll need for the apartment and maybe some food, then I'll wait around for the Charter people to get me set up. Monday is when I plan to start job hunting really hard.<br /><br />I can't believe all this is really happening; it's incredible! What's even more surprising to me is the way everyone is happy for me and says I'm making the right choice by moving, and that they wish they could do it too! I never expected that! I expected "You're crazy, you're stupid, what the hell are you thinking, you can't just leave what you have here, etc.".<br /><br />I suppose I'm not completely in the clear yet. I still need a little more money and I don't have a ride to Buffalo all planned out yet. Kim wants to take me but doesn't know if she can get off work, Lisa has to work so she can't, and if I want Sterling to take me I need to let him know REALLY soon-like. I just don't want to tell him to take off work if Kim's able to drive me. Hopefully I'll know something definitive by tomorrow.<br /><br />I'm so damn close to living my dream life, I can't let something that simple stop me now. I can do this and I will. I will try my best to keep everyone updated on what I'm doing, if and when I get a job, and how everything is going for me. I'm sure it'll be mostly through this blog as I don't let much if anything stop me from just saying what I'm thinking or feeling. I feel more free when I write than when I speak, so for the best information on my life and what's happening with me; stay tuned. :P<br /><br />WOW! Just a couple more days and EVERYTHING changes! It's one thing to think about what I'm doing, but when it's being acted upon and it's actually happening, it's mind shaking! I can't believe all this is happening, it's surreal. I feel like I'm in a light daze, a bit hypnotized. I don't know exactly what to expect and what challenges I'll have to face in the next couple of days and especially in the next month, but I do know that for once, I'm truly looking forward to something. I'm looking forward to the difficulties I'm going to have to face. It should be interesting! :PKamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-62009697736589518982008-10-28T10:12:00.003-04:002008-10-28T10:16:09.785-04:00Join the Dynasty - Take what karma owes you!I have a mother-fucking place to live in Marietta, GA! I will be located only 4.1 miles away from Evienne! <3<br /><br />A lifetime of shit and now it's finally starting to pay off! I have a fucking life for once!<br /><br />I wish there was a way to express my excitement and happiness... It's not possible.<br /><br />I'm doing the insane and the improbable... <br /><br />And I am making it fucking work!<br /><br />Take that in the ass!Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-56969858276508048212008-10-26T03:03:00.002-04:002008-10-26T03:21:34.782-04:00Is this a test? It has to be. Otherwise I can't go on...The Struggle<br />-----<br /><br />The title is from a song by Tool. It reminds me of how I feel right now. I feel like I'm struggling and fighting to accomplish something amazingly difficult. At the same time, I feel completely incapable of summoning the strength to complete the task. And to add to that, I don't feel like I have anybody to encourage me to go for it. That I'm doing the right thing, that it'll all be okay, that I can do this.<br /><br />And yet, here I am, just a few short days away from the unknown. I don't know what's going to happen when I arrive in Georgia. I don't know how much money I'll have by then, I don't know where I'm going to live, I don't know where I'll find a job at. It all seems so uncertain.<br /><br />The Hope<br />-----<br /><br />I'm able to maintain a sense of self amazement. How is it that I, Brian Lucas, am capable of pushing forward through such opposing odds? I've set this situation upon myself and I've doomed myself to failure, yet I don't feel scared. It's not even the sense that I have no choice, so I have to make it work, it's the sense that, I will not let this defeat me. I will conquer my fears and prove to myself that I will do whatever I have to in order to acquire my dreams. I will never settle for what I've been handed and I will rule my own life. This is so much more to me than trying something new or exciting, or doing something random and crazy. To me, this is my life, this is my everything. This is me finally proving that I do and mean what I say. I finally feel like I'm more than just words. I feel alive. I am human. I am happy.Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-4547238172442970572008-10-23T13:50:00.001-04:002008-10-23T13:55:20.704-04:00General Awesomness! :P<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/d96ANTUgu8k&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/d96ANTUgu8k&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ee3XaPFT5XM&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ee3XaPFT5XM&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-80487847328143775932008-10-22T01:38:00.004-04:002008-10-22T01:48:02.829-04:00<OBJECT class=BLOG_video_class id=BLOG_video-6d4b3dac5c79297a height=266 width=320 contentId="6d4b3dac5c79297a"></OBJECT>Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-87524809790009011812008-10-20T23:14:00.004-04:002008-10-20T23:48:38.562-04:00My Life... My Real Life!Today was a pretty damn good day, I'd say! Evienne and I were upset and confused and a little down yesterday and early this morning. Then after talking some more we soon came to the conclusion that we were both worried that we upset each other, not that we were upset ourselves. She thought I was upset with her, I thought she was upset with me, turns out, I was upset because I thought I upset her, and she was upset because she thought she upset me. Turns out we just wanted to make each other happy.<br /><br />Confused? LMAO!<br /><br />Once we realized this, we just trusted each other and things got a lot better. I had a wonderful day full of talking to Evienne and we had silly fun picking out wedding rings and children names. Evienne and I talk ALL the time! Every chance I get, I try to talk to her. I care for her a LOT and I want nothing more than to be with her every chance I get. I always hated talking on the phone, but I talk with Evienne for hours on end about nothing at all usually and I thoroughly enjoy that!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKD58QzGOg9OG0wlC3mKNpadQClRBBkaFywd1VUxz7KSrHh9dhaf1QuYKvsGsbT2WY3EUm7pMtlulvhi1yB-As-Rdg8i6FBz4tWywLSoLSADwHLt_N1RZZua4AjvvZrKw02xLITA/s1600-h/101_0097.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKD58QzGOg9OG0wlC3mKNpadQClRBBkaFywd1VUxz7KSrHh9dhaf1QuYKvsGsbT2WY3EUm7pMtlulvhi1yB-As-Rdg8i6FBz4tWywLSoLSADwHLt_N1RZZua4AjvvZrKw02xLITA/s320/101_0097.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259444074861303554" /></a><br /><br />Look at this woman closely folks! This is the woman I envision spending the rest of my days with. The woman I look forward to seeing each and every day. The woman I'm truly proud to stand next to and show off to the world. She is my happiness.<br /><br />She has stripped away the pain I felt deep inside, that lay dormant, corroding my soul. She has shown me so damn much in such a short amount of time, I am eternally grateful to her.<br /><br />--------<br /><br />I had to call karate today to let them know what I was doing and what's going on. It was extremely difficult for me to do. I love karate, it's everything to me, it's my life goal, my hopes and my dreams. But in doing that and still feeling so certain I am doing what is right for me, I have proven to myself that I'm strong enough to do what I need in order to be happy. I have shown myself that I'm capable and willing enough to chase my dreams at whatever cost.<br /><br />The greatest feeling I have right now is one of anxiousness. I'm anxious to get out of here, to be with Evienne, to start a new life in Georgia, to discover and fight for what I want out of life and to never settle for what I've been given. I feel strong and empowered. I feel undefeatable. How can I worry about not being able to have the latest and greatest gadgets or have enough gas money to go on a vacation, when I have to worry about where I'm going to live, how I'm going to survive, or what it'll take to be truly happy. Life is good to me now because I force it to be that way, I'm not taking any more crap from this life and I'm going to fight for what I want...<br /><br />And I WILL emerge victorious!Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32748311.post-45991736797375234892008-10-20T00:31:00.004-04:002008-10-20T00:37:02.541-04:00Happy Holloween!I sold my TV today and made $300 out of the deal. I then put all my money on my card and went home and purchased an airplane ticket for October 31st at 10:52AM out of Buffalo, NY. I'll arrive in Atlanta, Georgia at 12:36PM, where I'll meet Evienne and begin the life I've been waiting for!<br /><br />Tomorrow morning I hope to go to Olean to sell my movies and games at EBgames, I just have to find someone to loan me a car. Whatever I make out of that I'll add to my card as well. Then hopefully tomorrow night I'll know if the girl from work wants to buy my Xbox 360 and stuff for another $300. Add in my leftover paychecks I'll receive from work, and also me selling my speakers for at least $250, and I think I'll be all set! If all goes very well the way I'm hoping it will, I could have close to $1500! I'm certain that if I had that much, I could definitely make life work down there!<br /><br />I figure I just need enough money to afford a place to stay for a month. In that time I could find a job or two and work long enough to receive paycheck enough to pay for the following month's rent. After that, I'd be all set and I could then feel secure enough about living there. Then I can start worrying about things like what furniture to buy, where to take Evienne on dates to, and things of that nature. <br /><br />That's my goal in life right now; to be able to worry about things like that. To have my biggest problem be "loveseat or couch", not "will I survive another day?".<br /><br />So as of this moment, I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I finally have something to look forward to. I finally found someone who I truly look forward to hearing from each and every day. Evienne means so much to me and I've been a complete failure at expressing that clearly enough to her. I mean, I know she realizes I like her and I care for her, but I feel she doesn't understand how important she is to me, how happy she makes me, and how deep my feelings run for her. <br /><br />Evienne is most certainly the woman with whom I could envision spending the rest of my life with. I would look forward to waking up each and every day next to her. She is a beautiful, intelligent, funny, talented individual and I can't believe I've met someone as wonderful as her. She's absolutely worth pursuing and that's what I intend on doing. I just hope I can make her even a fraction as happy as she makes me.<br /><br />This woman means everything to me! <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDZajT4033wDVwWdvSQ7gEU-zJVP6sz39kduCBsDtsPM8behAGEvE8w8XFvz94CIMd4J3MsGiNJWO6QMpX4WcjzoZuUDCcVg5odV-QV1Mb9wwFfyn0faOPjx7PMO2eRGIyCPV2zw/s1600-h/101_0046.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDZajT4033wDVwWdvSQ7gEU-zJVP6sz39kduCBsDtsPM8behAGEvE8w8XFvz94CIMd4J3MsGiNJWO6QMpX4WcjzoZuUDCcVg5odV-QV1Mb9wwFfyn0faOPjx7PMO2eRGIyCPV2zw/s320/101_0046.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259088717208858466" /></a>Kamuihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13449767685368584173noreply@blogger.com2