Let's see where this goes!

So I recently turned 31 (that number makes me sound really old, but my body doesn't feel that way) and I just started a new martial arts endeavor in that I will be starting up The Kokoro-Jitsu Club (check it out at www.kokorojitsu.com) in Fort Myers, FL. on Monday!

I'm putting everything I have into this... I hope it all works out.

That long ago, huh? Damn.

I can't believe I haven't used this blog in YEARS. Crazy what time does. Every time I come back here though, so many memories flood in; a lot of which I wish wouldn't. I'm so fucked up... I'm actually STILL hung up on Naya; god I fucked that up... Worst mistake of my life. I comfort myself by saying she's much happier now and that we're not similar people, and we have grown differently, but here I am, all these years later still talking about it. What the hell is wrong with me? I wish I could just let it go. Bah.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with my current situation or relationships, I just can't let go for some reason.

I feel like this blog is the "dark side" of the internet for me, haha. I seem to type so much stupid shit here, but it's a recessed part of the internet and it's good to vent, then to look back on this someday and again say "What the fuck, dude?".

Callous

So today I decided to start running and walking around barefoot. I'm trying to develop calluses on my feet for karate. Hopefully soon I can find a really nice, big, smooth stone to start doing the same for my hands.

Something I want to remember.

A.A.A.A.

Aware (know what's going on around you [Do they have weapons? How many are there? What are their intentions? What do you really know of the situation?]).

Avoid (If you can avoid the situation, then use your brain and GTFO).

Act (With no other option, take action. Be quick and precise and use only what's necessary to stop the attack).

Away (Again... GTFO! After you've removed yourself from the situation, immediately go report it to the authorities and say you don't know if you want to press charges yet [you tend not to think clearly hyped on adrenaline]).

Almost there.

Sterling and I hung out again last night and it was totally kick-ass! We did co-op Army of Two: The 40th Day and we cranked the volume and communicated a lot like "I'm gonna flank right. I have three contacts in my sights. I'm going to run in to the tower and snipe the one on the upper deck. I need you to provide covering fire as I run in. You ready? Okay. Go go go!" Man it was killer fun.

We also talked a lot more about life and the things that are going on in each other's lives and there was definitely some illuminating conversation that went on and it's really good to get someone else's perspective on the things that are happening and it's good to know what's going on in my friend's life as well. I hope that life works out for the best for the both of us.

Sterling also said that he'd take me to pick up Leon on Tuesday, so that's great that we finally have a game plan and Leon and Sterling can meet. I hope that Sterling likes her and doesn't think she's ugly or stupid or boring or anything.

I guess time will tell. It's crazy for me to think that if everything goes according to plan, she'll be getting on a bus tomorrow night to come live with me. It's just mind-boggling and I'm so super excited about it all.

I also hope I can get the support of my friends and family instead of the dirty looks and stupid, ignorant remarks about the life choices I make. I know I've done stupid shit in the past and I've made mistakes just like everyone does but that doesn't mean you should make me feel like a complete idiot and less of a person. I've taken a lot of time to reflect on the choices I've made and what's happened in my life and I've learned from them and I haven't found myself in any kind of cycle, repeating what I've done before, so in that light, I think I'm doing a fantastic job at this whole "life" thing.

Leon and I will be happy because I know that I'll do absolutely everything in my power to make us work. If things fail, at least I'll have no regrets. But I want to be stubborn and say that things won't fail. I'll bend and give and do everything I have to in order to make her comfortable and happy so that we can be happy together.

It's so close now... I'm so damn excited!

So after work today I went to Rite Aid and I bought a package of 3 condoms with spermicidal lubricant (all I could afford) and there was this insanely hot check out girl there and I was trying to be all suave like "yeah, that's right I get mine. I'm a hot commodity and you know you want some of this *wink*". Haha. She was super sweet and she smiled at me and giggled softly. It was adorable and I'm glad I went with the confidence approach instead of acting embarrassed that I was purchasing condoms. Just struck me as noteworthy. I'd totally bang that chick. Omg.

So I Western Unioned Leon $150.00 today and she should be able to pick it up tomorrow and hopefully everything will go well with getting the necessary bus ticket and then I won't have to worry as much anymore. I can't believe it's only a few more days until she gets on the bus to come live here. It's all so crazy and I couldn't be much happier. I love the direction my life is heading in. I sincerely hope that I've learned enough from past relationships and can make this one work to the best of my ability. I care about Leon a lot and I want her to be happy and I want to do everything I can to make sure she is happy and comfortable being here and that she can finally begin to discover herself and become more of an individual and out of the narrow world she's lived in for so long.

I'll do everything I can to support her and make sure we can have a happy life together.

Here's for hoping!