I feel different. I wake, I fiddle around, I pump gas for 9 hours, I sleep, rise, rinse and repeat. The break in this cycle is the financial issues in between.
I love it.
This is all there is.
This is true life!
Why would you ask for more than you give yourself? I love working a low paying shit job; earning a "living" in this "real world". I love the pain I endure every day. I don't want to tell my children what they should be. I want to show them what they can be...
In all the greatest raptures of that word that can be extracted. I'm not trying to sound crazy or poetic. I'm trying to catch my thoughts as they fly out. I spent 15 minutes at work bored out of my mind trying to catch this annoying fly buzzing around, with two pens I held as chopsticks. I lost of course.
I'm very tired, and so very awake. Awake with a feeling of fullness. I can say to my children, "Think for yourselves. A piece of paper only tells others how smart you should be. Be as you want to be, and you will know more in a single moment than any other in a lifetime." Regret should not touch your hearts, when you live every moment as you want.
I will NOT hang a piece of paper on my wall in a plaque and tell my children that if they want my love and happiness in general, then they too will need this paper. A diploma in anything is a weapon; an instrument of fear, that I will not use against the ones I hold dear.
Your worthlessness precedes you. I hate you! You destroy all you touch, with "your" ideals of a life that is just one of fear. I will NOT let you taint the ones I love. Keep your fucking diplomas and money and cars... Keep your stupid fucking God. Keep your hope of something better.
This is the best you could EVER hope for!
You live your pathetic lives of ideals and hopes.
Meanwhile, I'll live MY life, as I choose!
Please, die painfully. I hate what you have done to this world. What you've destroyed. What you've stolen from our children. -Kamui-sama