Sunday, September 03, 2006

I feel different. I wake, I fiddle around, I pump gas for 9 hours, I sleep, rise, rinse and repeat. The break in this cycle is the financial issues in between.

I love it.

This is all there is.

This is true life!

Why would you ask for more than you give yourself? I love working a low paying shit job; earning a "living" in this "real world". I love the pain I endure every day. I don't want to tell my children what they should be. I want to show them what they can be...


In all the greatest raptures of that word that can be extracted. I'm not trying to sound crazy or poetic. I'm trying to catch my thoughts as they fly out. I spent 15 minutes at work bored out of my mind trying to catch this annoying fly buzzing around, with two pens I held as chopsticks. I lost of course.

I'm very tired, and so very awake. Awake with a feeling of fullness. I can say to my children, "Think for yourselves. A piece of paper only tells others how smart you should be. Be as you want to be, and you will know more in a single moment than any other in a lifetime." Regret should not touch your hearts, when you live every moment as you want.

I will NOT hang a piece of paper on my wall in a plaque and tell my children that if they want my love and happiness in general, then they too will need this paper. A diploma in anything is a weapon; an instrument of fear, that I will not use against the ones I hold dear.

Your worthlessness precedes you. I hate you! You destroy all you touch, with "your" ideals of a life that is just one of fear. I will NOT let you taint the ones I love. Keep your fucking diplomas and money and cars... Keep your stupid fucking God. Keep your hope of something better.

This is the best you could EVER hope for!

You live your pathetic lives of ideals and hopes.

Meanwhile, I'll live MY life, as I choose!

Please, die painfully. I hate what you have done to this world. What you've destroyed. What you've stolen from our children. -Kamui-sama


Pirate Shelba said...

Would have been cool if you caught the fly. <3

Nate said...

those flies are slippery little buggers!!

Naya said...

Brian update your blog.
How am I supposed to understand your deepest innermost feelings and thoughts, if you don't post them!

Nate said...

haha, couldn't you just ask him though. I mean he does live there with you, haha.

Dark Colossis said...

dont fret smiles, the think you can definatly count on is others knowing what your thinking. and trust me when i say im one of thous people. My fucking shit diploma is ususally used as a door stop or as to prop something up. Its one of the most worthless peices of paper on the fucking planet.

but theres a easy way to remedy this feeling of being up to your eyeballs in shit cuz its the onlything thats keep me from killing half the state.

What you need to do is make a goal for yourself, like im gonna build a house and own a buisness.and i know logicly i cant do that right now, so thats for down the road.

just start digging your way out of the shithole and everything will look "and smell better" i promise

and i caught a fly with chopsticks once........i felt like a God

Pirate Shelba said...


Angie said...

What have you become, Brian? I don't even know you anymore (you probably feel like you don't know me, either!). You deserve more from life than what you're currently ALLOWING. God has made my life worth living and He wants to bless you, too! Wake UP!!!