I feel oppressive...
What is it I want?
I try to enjoy life, but I destroy others. I feel unfit for the challenges of this world...
Every time I think I know what I want, I discover it's fleeting joy, all too soon I waste my time on things that hold no importance to me... I have no idea what it is I want from this life; love? joy? children?
I live vicariously through the happiness I see in the world, yet I feel as though my eyes are not mine. I live like a robot, pumping through the everyday to get somewhere that does not exist.
I have fear, love, kindness, and joy.... Why is it insufficient? Why do I feel as though it is not enough? Am I greedy?
I don't think so...
I'm just SO damn uncertain about my goals...
I just want to be happy, why am I made to feel so worthless everyday? Nothing I do is ever good enough.
I'm probably being too hard on myself, but I can't shake the feeling of death, it consumes my thoughts EVERY day.. It's making me loose focus of what I need to do NOW!
a) Take care of myself: mind and body
b) Find what makes ME happy, and work to acheive MY goals
c) Think of something new to think about
d) Do whatever I can to feel like I deserve someone as wonderful as Naya
e) Be a better Brian....
My ramblings of how I refuse to accept the shit life hands me.
Oh God! They're replicating!
- Kamui
- Perpetual student of the martial arts; always seeking; always learning.
1 comment:
Bubby I am sure it means nothing coming from me, but I look up to you. I think that you are smart, funny, interesting, kind, giving, and the best Brian you can be. Maybe I am seeing you through blind eyes, but when I speak of you to anyone it is always in the most positive of ways. I think that if people treat you badly or bring you down, they need to piss off, because they don't see who you really are. I love you Bubby, and you desereve the best in life.
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