Monday, October 13, 2008

Found Her!

This is the end of me trying to lie to myself. I've now come to grips with my insanity.

I will do anything I have to in order to make myself happy. I've grown stagnant, I've been rotting, and now I've found hope. A hope of my entire life's dream.

I know what has to happen now, I have made up my mind.

I'm moving.

Moving on with my life. I'm leaving the decay I feel being here, I'm chasing a fairy tale dream land. No matter what I'll always be happy. It's now time I shared the real me that no one has ever met. Nobody has EVER in my ENTIRE life known who I was, what I thought, and what I felt. But as the title suggests; I've found her!

I've been shown things I was completely oblivious to. I thought I was content, until I realized I have nothing here. I need to do this to prove to myself that I'll never "accept" or "settle" for what I've been given.

I'm throwing it ALL away to chase something that rightfully shouldn't exist. I'm completely delusional and idiotic when it comes to the "real world", I have no desire to deny this truth.

I live in my own dream, I actively choose to be unaccepting of reality. I love it.

I feel alive because I don't accept what I should see as "real", I keep chasing a fantasy, a story book children's tale. I love being foolish and stupid. It's enabled me to not be attached to objects, to material posessions. I realize I can't take all this shit with me, so there's no point in living for it. I want to etch-a-sketch end this life I've led so far and start over.

I need a new life. I need to do this now before I convince myself I'm being crazy. I KNOW I'm crazy, and I simply can't express my self correctly, but if you want to know me, what I think and feel; know this:

I am happy. I love myself. Leading a "reality based" life is not for me. I will continue to live a fantasy for as long as I live. I will always be caught chasing love. It's all I desire; is to be loved. I've never felt love in my life. I fooled myself in to thinking I knew, but I was blinded and oblivious. All I know is that when I do find the love I'm looking for, I won't have to work to find it, It'll just feel right to me, I won't have a choice because my whole body and spirit will force me to feel true love. I am happy.

If all I've said sounds random and non-sensical, I'll gladly make it clear :P

-I'm moving to the state of Georgia to chase a girl I met on an online dating site. I've only been talking to her for about 5 days, and I'm sure I don't know hardly anything about her and what she's like.

It's that simple:

I AM FUCKING INSANE AND I LOVE ME FOR IT!!

Thank you to everyone who's ever even talked to me. I appreciate all I've been given, but you just have to deal with the fact that I'm not going to just settle for less than I deserve.

If I died, I'd die knowing I'm insane enough to chase love all over the world. I'd know I did everything I could to feel loved. I would die a VERY happy man!

Thus begins a new chapter in my life...

4 comments:

GieGie said...

So, when do you move, "crazy man?" :)

Kamui said...

LOL, as soon as I can sell my stuff or come up with about 1,000 dollars. Basically, I'm also crazy because I don't have a formal plan.

I'm going to almost completely "wing it". I'll be there as soon as I can feasibly be. :P

Samantha Lucas said...

Hey Bubby!! :D I missed you the other night. I really do hope everything works out for the best for you both. Talk to me tonight so that we can talk about it. :D <3

GieGie said...

And where (in Georgia) will you be living? Do you know the name of the city/town?