Hah, I was just about to start writing about my day and how rough it was on me, then just as I held my fingers over the keyboard and thought what I'm typing now, something occured to me: "I have something to talk about for once! I feel like I have a life! I feel like things are happening, for better or worse, I feel like a person!". That really amazes me, I've never felt that way before!
Well, what I WAS going to say is that today I told Fox's Pizza that I intended on heading south by the end of this month, and that I wished to put in my two weeks notice. My nerves were shot and my heart was racing, I was so worried about what they would say or think. Even though I know it doesn't matter, I got myself that worked up, it was terrible for me. It went well and she knew what I was going to say before I even said it, and she didn't say much else. I don't know what I thought she might have said, but I was worried about what she'd think. I just can't let myself dwell on it and I just need to forget about it.
Well, then I got home and told Kim about me leaving to head south and she went home and told Matt and Keayra. Keayra was terribly upset and started crying and begged Kim to let her see me :( I felt so badly for her. I knew she liked me and loved me as an uncle, but I didn't realize she loved me THAT much! It was really touching. She brought me all her favorite Pokemon cards and a one dollar bill, in case I want to buy a soda. It took all I had to not break down and cry.
But because of this I now feel certain I'm doing what I feel is right. If I can deal with all these things happening to me and still feel as sure as I do about moving, then I feel I'm truly doing what I want, and not what everyone else says I should be doing. I finally feel free, like an individual.
It is by no means easy for me to do this, but because I'm still so certain about going through with it, it feels wonderful! I'm so happy for once in my life! I can't stress enough how I feel.
I can also find solice in knowing that it doesn't have to be the last time I talk to or see my family and friends here. I can e-mail them, write them letters, talk to them on the phone, and visit them on holidays or just because. At least I can tell them I found something I wanted in life, I found a direction to head towards and I fought valiantly to aquire my own happiness! I sought my own dreams and didn't let them slip away from me! I'll feel like a hero.
I am going to love living in Georgia! It's so much nicer there than here or Florida as I've previously mentioned. I'm really excited and I've found apartments to look at on Craigslist and jobs as well. I've got a flight planned for November 3rd, in which I'll arrive in Georgia at 9:52 AM. I'm so damn excited to meet Evienne! I'm so fortunate to have someone as wonderful as her to help me get situated and instill confidence in me that no matter how daunting it all may seem, there will always be hope, and that I CAN make it! I can't find the words to explain my feelings for her that have developed. I care for her beyond explanation, she is a beautiful, talented, intelligent, funny, caring, and loving woman; I could not have asked for better. I love talking to her and she always makes me feel happy and secure. She is the strength I've been looking for to move forward with my life. She's always there for me to make me feel better when I feel hopeless, she's the light that glows inside my dreams and my soul. With her, I feel invinsible!
Like I've mentioned, even if we don't mesh well in person and a relationship won't work for us, I'll still be able to live and enjoy my life in Georgia. I could find someone else to share my happiness with; someone who wants me, someone who wants to love me. I just feel right now that with all my heart, I just hope it's Evienne who becomes the love of my life! I care for her so much, she makes me so happy and I want it to work out and I want to have a happy life with her, but I just won't let myself feel hurt or sore if that's not what happens. No matter what, I know I'll be happy.
I'm just so damn excited about something for once in my life. I am anxious to have a life I enjoy! I can't wait much longer!