Tuesday, October 07, 2008


I am so fucking lonely :( I hate being alone. anyone who knows me knows my biggest fear is to be alone and that's all I feel anymore, is so desperately alone.

I find the VERY limited amount of people I'm interested in and something is always wrong. It's depressing.

Maybe I should lower my standards and just get anyone I can that's nearby. :((

I want to scream but no one would hear me.

I feel like the only people I can talk to don't give a shit about me anymore. They either think I'm boring or stupid or both.

I hate this. I do NOT deserve this shit... this steaming pile of endless excrement.

I'm not stupid and I'm not a bad person, so STOP treating me like I am. I know you're stupid and you've made bad mistakes, but I'm not as dumb as you. I've messed up more than you ever will. I'm a complete fuck up and my life is a testament to that. I've learned my lessons from my mistakes and am WAY ahead of you in lessons learned!

I've grown up WAY before my time and I never had a chance at a real childhood. No one cares about me. No one and I mean NO ONE ever showed interest in ME! I was never asked the right questions and no one cared enough for me to try to ask. No one knows or understands me. No one cares about why I think the way I do. It's so fucking endlessly lonely. I love myself and know what kind of person I am, but no one else feels the same towards me.

I just want to be wanted. I want to be loved. :( I HATE being so alone!

1 comment:

Samantha Lucas said...

BUBBY!! I love you! We will come see you right now. <3 I have missed you. I am so sorry that things are going so poorly right now, but you are right about being a good person. I have always believed you deserve the best in life and I know that it will come to you. You should never have to settle for anything less than wonderful and perfect. Love you Bubby! <3 <3